So as I write this first blogpost I have literally decided(as in today) to take a break from social media. I know it sounds so over dramatic, but in todays society how often do you actually see young people cut all connections with their social media profiles? Not very often. Well certainly not in the environment I have been brought up in.
Dont get me wrong social media is truly a magnificent platform and it would be unfair to claim it has not been of the benefit to the majority of people. But as with most things, all good things do have their downsides….
Personally I have recently found it to be so draining, scrolling aimlessly for hours down various sites basically wasting my life away(again apologies about sounding over dramatic). I am a final year University student so firstly I have alot of work that needs to get done in the next few months, something I am incredibly stressed about and up until now had done very little to tackle this. Apart from joking with my friends about how screwed we all are by tagging each other in the latest facebook phenomenon that is ‘memes’. Where as now for example I deleted all my social media this morning and already I have managed to get through an incredible amount of work. The temptation to stop typing after every 5 minutes to check instagram has been removed, sometimes you have to just completely cut things out of your life. Whether that be people of like for me, just getting rid of social media. In my eyes it is almost like a ‘detox’, it has not been bringing any added value to my life but rather just making me feel even worse about myself.
I am very much a people person, my mood is affected by who I hang around with but fortunately I have the best group of people in my life who have my back no matter what. They have my best interests at heart and I honestly could not ask to be surrounded by better people, its crazy because this time last year I was not even speaking to them. Time really is not a measure of friendship, the best measure of friendship is the persons actions, something that has been highlighted to me particularly in the last few months. Something I wont go into too much depth about…
Just little things like it may sound so petty but even when someone I like leaves me on read it will literally put me in the worst mood. And thats when I realised, I was more concerned about the actions of other people something that is beyond my control. Why am I overthinking every little action that someone else is performing, I was relying on other peoples co operation as a way to justify and feel good about myself. Having someone elses ‘approval’ as a way to make me feel less insecure.
Which is actually ridiculous, I always preach it to my friends that you should never let your happiness be dictated by someone else. You should be the cause for your own happiness and it should be within your own control. Thats why I need to just take a step back, I need to in particular stop caring about people who obviously do not care about me. I need to stop expecting so much and falling into the trap of ‘Playing the game’.
I’d be lying if I said I had never given someone the wrong impression or that I enjoyed the attention. Which is so unfair and why I am looking forward to having no more pointless chats as a way to boost my own confidence, its so easy to just message someone you know is into you just to make yourself feel better. But it makes me feel worse once I’ve done it because then I start to consider myself in their position, how shit would I feel if I was being used?
The thing is how can you expect someone to love you if you do not even love yourself, I know it is easy to be labelled as ‘vain’ for this. But I am not suggesting that posting a selfie is the answer to loving yourself, but it should come more from within and something that you do not feel needs to be ‘aired’ all over social media.
I do not particularly like being by myself because it just gives me time to overthink everything, such as how much of an embarrassment I was drunk texting a guy I am into last weekend(oops, we’ve all been there though). That is now in the past, it has been done and there is nothing I can do to change it(apart from keep cringing at myself). So now rather than constantly waiting for him to text I am going to make more of a conscious effort to teach myself new skills,actually spend my time more wisely.
Even doing the little things like sitting with my grandparents and learning all about their history, not one to sound too deep but they will not be here forever and it is very easy to take for granted these kinds of relationships. It is easy to forget that our parents are also aging just like ourselves, it is easy to get lost in our own little bubbles and forget what is important in life.
So I guess this blog is a distraction for me, to talk about various things and see if this ‘social media detox’ actually works. In an ideal world I’ll stay away from it all for abit, find myself and start to actually learn what matters most. I am still undecided whether I will ever share this link on my social media profiles when I do get them back, I know for a fact my friends will probably find this hilarious and never let me live this down.
So yeh here goes, let the detox commence…